


THE SDM CREW GOES TO A KARAOKE BAR AND GETS ARRESTED IN THE END

by lorekeepers



Category: Touhou Project
Genre: Bad Karaoke, F/F, Like, Not Canon Compliant, This Is STUPID, anyways this is bad and im only publishing this for like one friend, at all, bar chaos, flandre not realizing that she cant just chomp on people, i took these characters and butchered them half to death, idk im just insecure ive never shown my writing to anyone except teachers before lol, my writing is like a cheesy middle schooler's and also i wrote this half asleep, patchy doesnt like going outside, remilia is gay but everyone knew that, sorry zun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 16:30:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13462107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lorekeepers/pseuds/lorekeepers
Summary: based on something that happened when i was playing the sims with my sdm family and i had the bad idea 2 write it outi cant writesun im only posting this for you ya egg





	THE SDM CREW GOES TO A KARAOKE BAR AND GETS ARRESTED IN THE END

**Author's Note:**

  * For [my homeslice sun ..](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=my+homeslice+sun+..).



 

Sakuya had begun preparing snacks for the younger Scarlet sister as the sun set, before a nosy crow-feathered visitor started knocking on the window.

The reporter Aya was knocking on the open window in the kitchen, smiling and waving the newest edition of her paper at Sakuya. She smiled before slamming the curtains in Aya’s face. The mansion had a history of being invaded by loud intruders, and Aya happened to be one of the more annoying ones. Even as Gensokyo’s only real reporter, she often had to throw her papers in other’s faces - although they were usually just pictures of notable residents with scandalous titles attached.

But Aya wasn’t giving up yet. She tried bothering the gatekeeper, but she had fallen asleep in a bush; so she decided to find another way in. While flying around, she spotted the well hidden entrance to the basement. It took Aya quite a lot of force, but she broke into the basement, which was just a long passageway leading to a door.

 

Stepping inside, Aya found herself in a child’s playroom with a coffin in the back. Realizing the situation she was in because of the setting, she turned about to run out, only to find the door locked behind her. Aya could hear giggling behind her, and slowly turned around in horror to see the younger Scarlet sister, Flandre, standing behind her.

 

“I wasn’t expecting a visitor! Does the funny tengu wanna play?!”

“P-please don’t hurt me-!! I’m but a humble reporter!! I… was here to… uh…”

Aya was trying to think of an excuse to get her out of a ‘playtime’ session with the vampire. Everyone knew the Scarlet sisters were strong, but not much about Flandre’s true power was known, and Aya didn’t want to be the test dummy to find out.

 

“I… was just here to deliver this newspaper!!” exclaimed Aya, shoving the newspaper she was carrying into Flandre’s hands.

“It’s because… uh… you as many friends as you’d like can check out amazing new technology that came from the outside world! It’s called a karaoke machine and lets you pretend you’re in like, a stage performance! It’s in a bar just outside the Moriya shrine!”

“Ms. Tengu, aren’t bars for grownups?”

“Uh… not this one! Anyone’s allowed!”

“Woah, cool! I’m gonna tell big sis about this!! Bye-bye, Ms. Tengu!”

Flandre ran past Aya and flew out of the basement. Aya wiped her brow and sighed - There was a strange new machine from the outside world in a bar, but there was no special invitation. Aya thought she should run away as fast as possible before the older Scarlet sister could get her hands on her for breaking in and lying to her little sister.

  
  


“Big sister! Big sister! We got invited to a party!”

Flandre flew down the halls of the mansion into her sister Remilia’s room, waving the newspaper in her hand. Remilia was still in her pajamas and talking to Sakuya on the bed.

“The funny tengu gave it to me! She says me and the whole mansion can come see a fancy machine from the outside world!”

“Let me see that, Flandre” said Remilia, taking the paper out of her sister’s hands and skimming through it.

Sakuya leaned over Remilia’s shoulder to look at the newspaper as well.

“She’s right, Remi. Look, it’s taking up this whole page.”

 

**KOURINDOU SELLS MUSIC MACHINE TO KAPPAS, WHO PLACED IT IN WHAT THEY ARE CALLING A KARAOKE BAR OUTSIDE MORIYA SHRINE!****

Sunday, resident collector Rinnosuke had found a strange broken machine on his regular sifting to find objects that came from the outside world. He later sold it to the kappa engineer Nitori, who repaired it to find out it was some kind of music sing along machine! The machine is now located in a newly opened bar right next to the Moriya shrine, and it’s open to all! Come on over and try it out!* 

*Fees apply

**Article sponsored by the Moriya shrine

 

Sakuya sighed, looking disappointed.

“It’s just an ad, no doubt because of Moriya's attempt at gaining ludicrous amounts of money.”

“J-just an ad? But… the tengu said I was invited to a party…” pouted Flandre, who has gotten excited of the idea of just leaving the mansion.

Sakuya stood up and folded the newspaper, only for Remilia to grab her hand.

“Dear, I think it would be fun. We have more than enough money for all of us, and I think we all deserve a bit of a break.”

“Remi… I…”

Sakuya paused. Remilia was right in a way; the last real break the mansion had was months ago. Plus, Sakuya had a particular weak point for Remilia’s smile.

Sakuya sighed again, lighter this time.

“Alright. I’ll go ahead and tell the others to get ready” she said, as she took Remilia’s hand.

Flandre was cheering, obviously excited to go outside. She zoomed out of the room, likely to tell the gatekeeper Meiling.

Looking through the dusty bookshelves of the mansion’s massive library, Meiling was looking for wherever the Magician Patchouli was hiding. Flandre was flying overhead looking, too. 

“There she is!!” Flandre suddenly yelled, pointing towards an area in-between the bookshelves.

Meiling ran over, only to find that Sakuya had already found her - and that they were arguing.

 

“But Sakuya… I’m tired!”

“You’re ALWAYS tired!”

“Why should I spend my time in a crowded place when I could just do research!?”

“Patchouli, you’re not a vampire like the headmistress, going outside is good for you!”

Patchouli groaned and hid her face behind a book she was reading. That’s when Flandre decided to fly down, and Meiling went up to Patchouli and decided to mess up her hair.

 

“HEY PATCHY!! Don’t you wanna have some fun with your pals!?”

“...We’re not pals, Meiling. Don’t call me Patchy.”

“You went to the party at the Hakurei shrine, what’s stopping you from having some good ‘ol fun at a bar?”

“You  _ forced _ me to go. I only happened to enjoy it because there was a fellow magician I could communicate with there.”

“Well, maybe let’s do that again - you’ll never know if you’re gonna have fun unless you go!”

And with that, Meiling grabbed Patchouli like a cat and put her over her shoulder. Patchouli was obviously upset by this,  but her frail body had no chance to stop the will of the stack of muscle that was Meiling .

Flandre giggled at the whole situation, until Remilia flew down, looking refined as always.

“I guess that means we’re going, then?” asked Remilia, followed by nods from everyone except Patchouli. The crew exited the mansion and took a carriage run by the fairies up to the Moriya shrine.

 

Sakuya parted open the doors of the bar, and held it open as the rest of the crew stepped inside. It was crowded - the oni were arm wrestling and drinking, the arson-prone immortal Mokou was venting her frustrations to strangers, and others were simply chatting. 

But, in the very back, the tragic ghost woman Yuyuko - a rather famous resident of Gensokyo - was singing into a microphone at incredibly off-key levels.

Patchouli covered her ears and face with her hat, while Flandre stared, starry-eyed at the strange machine that let Yuyuko sing along. 

Sakuya linked her arm with Remilia’s.

“This place is… how would I put this… a bit more lowbrow than I anticipated.”

“Sakuya, dear, you don’t have to worry about the level of refinery of every play we go to. I might be a lady of class, but even I can enjoy spaces like this.”

Sakuya sighed and nodded - then turned back to Meiling, still carrying Patchouli, who had been acting like a cat who didn’t want to move.

 

“Meiling, could you watch over Flandre and make sure she doesn’t get into any trouble?”

“Yea, of course! I love babysitting lil’ Flan!”

Sakuya smiled, then headed off to the area of the bar with the karaoke machine with Remilia.

Meiling, wanting to show off her strength, went over to the group of oni, playing a drinking game that was arm wrestling and whoever won a round had to take a shot. Flandre didn’t understand adult stuff like alcohol, so she flew away while Meiling was distracted and decided to fly around looking for anyone she knew.

Patchouli felt incredibly awkward - she was antisocial, frail, and was quite frankly intimidated by everyone in the ‘muscle corner’. It was loud and she wanted to go home, but for the time being she just had to tolerate everything. While Meiling was joining the arm wrestling challenge, a smaller oni with large horns offered to get her a drink since she could see that Patchouli was uncomfortable. She would rather at least have something to do instead of sit with her head down on a table for who knows how long.

Unfortunately, she just so happened to be so preoccupied worrying that she forgot she was anemic.

 

Meanwhile, Yuyuko was on her fourth song is a row. There was a rather impatient crowd in front of the karaoke machine, waiting for her to stop. Remilia and Sakuya were waiting up front, and they both felt like their ears were about to bleed from the ghost’s horrible off-tune screeching. Evidently, Yuyuko hit a part where she had to perform a high note, which she nailed in her own horrible way. The screeching was deafening, so much so that the other bar patrons actually had to cover their ears. Yuyuko kept holding the note, until a green-haired youkai is plaid got up from waiting and jumped her. Yuyuko dropped the microphone in shock, and it hit the ground  - making another deafening noise.

The fight wasn’t really a ‘fight’ - the two of them were fairly drunk, and danmaku battles are especially difficult when one is impaired. It devolved into a slap fight between the two, which ultimately ended with the flower youkai punching Yuyuko and knocking her out.

 

“Hell yea I’d punch a ghost!!! I wasn’t kidding Yukari!! I won your stupid dare!!” yelled the victor, being escorted out by security.

Remilia giggled a bit, before standing up and offering her hand to Sakuya.

“Wanna do a duet? I think it’d be fun!”

“Remi, I can’t sing.”

“Shut up, I know you can, I’ve heard you! Plus, did you see Yuyuko? I don’t think anybody could call that singing, but she still went for it anyways."

Sakuya closed her eyes and smiled, before taking Remilia’s hand and joining her at the machine.

 

“And THAT’s why love is bullshit. All she ever does now is make fun of me! They call her the ‘bamboo princess’ or whatever but I think she should be called the… uh… DUMB princess. Yeah, that works.”

Mokou was sitting in one of the living chairs, her legs propped up on the coffee table the chairs surrounded. She has just been venting her relationship problems all night, to a very eager Aya - who was jotting down everything. Juicy relationship details, especially involving the mysterious bamboo princess would surely be a hit.

Suddenly, from above her, Aya heard a familiar childish voice.

“Ms. Tengu!! You’re here too? Ufufu… I never did get to play with you earlier… let’s play!”

 

Before Aya was able to react, the young vampire quickly pounced onto her, and sunk her fangs into Aya’s arm. Mokou jolted up in surprise, dropping her drink on the ground; and because of Mokou’s fire associated powers, she accidentally ignited the dropped drink.

“HOLY SHIT!!” she screamed, trying to cause about as much attention to the area as she could. Remilia and Sakuya hung up the mic, running over to the situation to get Flandre off of the tengu. For whatever reason, Mokou just kept screaming, and started to flip over the furniture for no reason other than to incite chaos.

Sakuya and Remilia didn’t appreciate this much, as they were trying to get Remilia’s sister to stop chomping on the papergirl’s arm. Soon enough the fiery situation had caused chaos throughout the whole bar - except for the corner of oni, seemingly oblivious.

 

Patchouli and Meiling were completely, utterly wasted. Meiling truly did have a dragon’s strength, and was able to beat everyone who came at her. Patchouli, on the other hand, had taken a single sip of wine before having had enough. The two of them seemed relatively ignorant of the chaotic situation that had befallen the other members of the group.

 

“H-hey Patchy… that music machine is free… wanna like… sing a duet or something…?”

“Haha… yea… that sounds fun…”

The duo’s speech was slurred and tired, but they got up and made their way to the karaoke machine - still unaware of the drama in the other end of the bar. Most of the songs were from the outside world, and neither of them knew any of them. Still, Patchouli selected a song from a band labeled as  _ Toto _ , because she thought the name of the band was hilarious while nearly blackout drunk.

The two of them sang their same strang duet, so loud and off-tune it occupied the whole bar and surpassed the panic of the fire - which had spread considerably.

 

By the time the Hakurei shrine maiden had come - as she was Gensokyo’s real law enforcement - it was a scene to behold. She could hear Patchouli and Meiling’s singing from even outside the bar, and the fire had reached the roof.

Luckily, everyone was able to get out safely. The fire was put out, but the newly established bar was destroyed - to Kanako’s dismay. She threatened to sue Remilia for sabotage, until Aya stepped up and took the blame, as well as Kanako’s wrath.

 

Needless to say, the group from the mansion was arrested for civil disobedience, and Flandre was arrested for assault.

Except Meiling and Patchouli; the shrine maiden walked in on their odd concert and just carried them home. Upon waking up, the two of them found out they had the entire mansion to themselves for a week at the least.

“I told you so.”

“Oh come on Patchy! It was fun!”

“Look, our ideas of fun are rather different. I’m just glad I didn’t get myself killed.”

“Well, that’s right, I suppose. But hey, we got this huge place to ourselves until Remilia and Sakuya come back! I wonder what we should do…”

“Maybe you can experience MY idea of fun, Meiling. I feel like I could really use a week of silent reading…”

“Sounds cool to me!”

  
  
  



End file.
